by Arian

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First solo EP, and still not so solo. Thank you to Layla Kovacevic for the beautiful album artwork, Sean Winnik for the mixing and mastering, Bjork & Shajarian for their voices, the mockingbird for its constant song, and Neil Mallinar for always listening and keeping me going.


released July 13, 2017



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N/A Mountain View, California

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Track Name: Mockingbird
walking with a good friend
up through the forest
sharing the most trivial
details of our stories
climbing over passes
covered in snow
pretending we were wild with nowhere to go

hold me on a mountain
allow me to feel this weight
flood over my island
rush til the levees break

flushed and refreshed
you read me novels to bed
and i unwinded like a baby
kill me again
want you to kill me again
so i can wake up like a baby

what an assembly
it's quiet and hopeful here
uproot and offend me
i'm running on empty fears

give it up my dear
you don't need to be here
you can go anywhere
give it up my dear
you don't need to be here
call me on the phone
i'll be there for you
i needed you to be mine when you left
you called me all sorts of names i didn't understand why

walking upon a
path through the montanas
i needed you to be my lover
Track Name: Crawdad
saw you smoking on the front porch
whole party getting down inside
but you didn't wanna be there
small talking with a vocal fry
saw you crying in the bathroom
when everything was caving in
but i didn't really get it
i thought that you would change again
anxious by a virtue
dangling by a thread
i never meant to hurt you
it wasn't like our love was dead
but this is how it happens
we latch onto another course
committing to a gamble
closure only comes through force

now i'm in this love like what does it mean
now i'm in this love like what does it mean
now i'm in this love like what does it mean

i'm sorry that i moved on
what is it you want from me
lost the energy to fix us
now i can't be the one you call
and i'm sorry that i keep her
like a precious childhood memory
but i promise i don't need her
just trying to respect the past
i'm sorry i feel guilty
i'm sorry i apologize
that look you give me kills me
i never meant to traumatize
i'm not a good eraser
but we're writing ourselves away
questioning the paper
questioning the fade to grey

now i'm in this love like what did it mean
now i'm in this love like what did it mean
now i'm in this love like what did it mean
Track Name: Loins
you spun
to songs
for me
made me feel
i'd never
kissed no one before
you asked me
if i had
for you and
yourself down
to my bed
on your hardwood floor

you were like a shadow in the corner of the room
on the top bunk
asking if i wanted to resume
i was caught up
blinded by the color of the moon
i was awkward
following the flutter in your moves
in the summer of umbrella by rihanna
lying naked on the floor with a blanket on my corpse
i was waiting to be forced
into your compelling drama
i was waiting to be forced
out of making it a choice

you were wearing black that night
spun a web in the back that night
turned a thought into a fact that night
changed the meaning of the night that night
stuck a secret in my heart that night
taught me how to play the part that night
made another life start that night
changed the meaning of the dark that night

you knew not what you did that night
i've got the feeling i've inherited your touch
Track Name: Shaji
what the fuck you thinking
preaching like the new abe lincoln
acting all embarrassed of your linkedin
following the pharaoh like a minion
of another era start to sink in
i'm on the top of the world now
when it burn down
i'ma fall onto the dirt ground
and i'll search round
for an abundance of pure sound
and i'll verb nouns
running along to the first town
then i'll burst out in tears
and drown in fears
but til then gotta climb like a mountaineer
my father scared for me to visit his homeland
so it sits like a myth that exists for no man
an abyss on a cliff that shifts on slow sand
till it drifts to the sea and i'm just a nomad
like Uh
i get why you're tempted by broad strokes
but god bro
try to put your foot inside their chacos
tryna put a wall up while you're swallowing a taco
tryna ban a people cuz you're insecurely macho

what you want what you need
what you think the key to succeed
do you do it for the good or for the greed
or for the feeling that you get when they see
and they clap for your ass cuz you act like you're free
fuck a border fuck a baseline
fuck a family that's limited to facetime
fuck the it's got not a thing to do with race line
fuck a law that can permit committing hate crime
fuck a man who stands on the land and spits in they face saying fuck em all i made mine
was this hatred learned through the grapevine
did you all get sick offa fake wine
i can smell your fear like a canine
breaking out in sweats till your wet at the waistline
good god i'm tempted to desert it all
but apathy'll just applaud at my curtain call
and agony'll choke my heart like a serpent yall
it takes disciplined hands to reverse a wall
Track Name: Yucca
why has all my conviction left me when i need it most
i blame the high school poetry that haunts me like a ghost
standing on thin air
can't look down or it'll go
racing toward a stairway to something

fled from the bay
down to LA
tryna be a star
what a cliche
gotta let it go
needa set a goal
following a hunch
circling a hole
worshipping a version of me
that i'm not even sure is real
praying to my old memories
the only scripture i can feel

running for the first time
to burst rhymes to the sun in an accursed time
fall back
on visions of you chopping up mint in a ballcap
not to pigeonhole but baby i think that you're all that
sorta like
kenan and kel, and amanda bynes
you got me sleeping in hell, dreaming of dandelions
you got me hooked on what i can't define
front row seats to life's pantomime, uh
you asked me why i'm here
i just wanted to be someone who makes it
i just wanted to be someone who makes it
i don't wanna sacrifice love for payment
but i don't know what i'm doing or if what i'm pursuing's
just a delusion, an ego-fueled fusion of vanity with amusement
hush hush
just trust

it's not what you do
it's what you won't do
that makes me want you
can't you see
i'm not a subject
i'll be your adjective
you say you want it all from me
and sometimes i want the same thing
you paint a narrow hall for me
and invite me to the bedroom

i'm holding on to something
that i don't know is true
but it's the only something
that keeps me close to you
let me be your slave
we can tend our little garden
right beside our graves,
my darling

i don't know
if you can be
the one for me
but that's always a question
a question
I hold you
close to my chest
and ask you if
you can give me
the answer
the answer
Track Name: Nightbird
what you wanna do now, ah
i thought you had it all figured out, yeah
i guess you were a liar, oh
always thought you had something up your sleeve
you never did nothing, no
you only sat at home
dreaming bout how you were big time, yea
then ten years passed and you were alone
with nothing to your name, no no
cuz you never made a claim, no no
too afraid of the commitment, ya
too afraid of your opinions

what you wanna be
who do you want everyone to see
dressing up in costume, yeah
hoping for your work to bring a monsoon in the fall
what do you believe
do you have a dream
have you spent your life walking down a hall
it just opened up into a meadow,
frightened by the shadows overhead and so you settle, hiding by a rock where you can only hear your echo, burrowing beneath it to a tavern underground
whiskey please
do you need me?
will you give me something to do?

mama i'ma be ok
fall outta my skin today
crawl out on a limb today
working toward something that's greater
greater than you and i
needed it
i needed it
i needed it more than i knew
i needed it more than i knew